For the longest moment the world stopped, the air became thick and the branch creaked. I watched the legs twitch as urine ran freely from the bottom of his trousers, there was a splash from the shoe that flipped and bounced off the lawn.
Not a sound could be heard inside our home, until the tick and click of the boiler the quiet roar that still makes me flinch today. I didn’t play with dolls after that, sudden noises made me jump, made Mummy cry and our house sad. That one thing dirtied our garden and spoiled our beautiful tree. My childhood was no more, that single day changed our world, and stole my Dad.
This is a hard subject to cover and I did not undertake it lightly. It is a fictional story and any likeness to any actuality is coincidental. Thanks to the daily prompt for leaving the word “Tree. press tree to read many more great stories. I first wrote this for a literary competition one that asked you to write the uncomfortable, this was short listed and I think worth another look.
Have you tackled a difficult piece of fiction? do you tread where your heart would never wish to go? Was this believable? Please leave a comment I will respond at speed, thank you and remember it is a story. 😇💘💕
I am pleased you visited and thrilled by the comment.
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Well written!
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I felt the little girl in this. The clear statements of observation. And the impact. Very nice
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Thank you for coming and mostly for commenting. It means so much to have fresh eyes on your work 😇
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Did story gave me goose bumps.
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Thank you Jaqueline.
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I love it, it is very believable! Honestly, I’ve never tackled a piece of fiction at all. Everything I write is non-fiction because I find it easier to write. Maybe I should take the challenge and try out some fiction writing. 😉
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Follow the link in my post that site gives you a prompt daily all the rules are there it is good to have a go. 😆
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Okay!!! Thank you!! 🙂
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WOW – awesome stuff – You stick to your reading, and I will stick to my ingredients for cooking and baking, but I promise to read your stories. Well done
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Sorry meant to say stick to your writing …..
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It’s fine I read a lot too. 😉
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😉
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Ellen as mentioned to you last night, I did make the breakfast, so have a look at the following. https://cookandenjoyrecipes.wordpress.com/2016/10/30/ess-sweet-potato-toast-breakfast/
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Thank you for coming. Do come back soon there is more than meets the eye. 😇
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Promise – I will. Now go and have some zzzz’s
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I like that a lot Ellen. It is believable. I tackle all subjects 😄😛I have a day like that and life was never the same 2 of them actually. Much healing has taken place. 😄😄
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Thank you for dropping by. I do write happy too… We have to stretch to improve our craft and i certainly did in this piece. 😇
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I think stretching is definitely good although I have to admit it can be painful at times when we get out of our comfort zone. But good stuff usually comes from
It I’ve found. 🤗🤗
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Dad used to say “if it comes too easy it’s not worth having, you have got to work for its worth”.
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I like that. My Pa had a lot of sayings like that. It’s nice to remember them I think. 💜
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I loved this piece, it is sensitive and seen through the child`s eyes. Beautifully done. I have covered death, disease, abuse, genocide and other things in my books and have always drawn from past experience of myself and others to try and be realistic but yet keep it within the formats of the story.
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When you challenge your skills… as with writing I believe if it didn’t fight it’s way out it probably was best left in. Empathy is a must, and being able to tap in to what the character would be feeling leaves an authentic voice. Your reading and commenting is appreciated thank you.
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Reblogged this on Have We Had Help? and commented:
See what you think about Ellen’s efforts. 😉
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It makes for an intriguing opening statement to a full on story Ellen. 😉
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Thank you Jack Keeping the same level of grip on a long piece would be a challenge but one I have already toyed with.
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Never ever be in a hurry Ellen. Allow the story to dictate itself and its natural pace. 😉
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All advice is gratefully received and acted upon. 😇
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It’s incumbent on old hands like myself to always share what we’ve learnt through trial and error over the years. 😉 x
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Oh Ellen…..that’s such a beautiful, haunting, moving piece. I love the tragic detail of “and there was a splash from the shoe that flipped and bounced off the lawn.”…You’ve really touched me with this…xxx
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Your opinion of my work means a great deal thanks Lynn. 😇
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This is so moving, Ellen. It’s all part of life, unfortunately. Having once volunteered at the Samaritans for some time I realized this. Your portrayal is sensitivity written.Jx
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Thank you for your oppinion Judith, sometimes the tough ones are the best; because you want to get it right.
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You painted a vivid, emotional picture.
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Thank you, Sometimes we need to push the boundries with our writing, being comfortable is not always indicative of a good story.
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Honestly? Who needs fiction, my non-fiction is traumatic enough. Seriously.
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Thanks for reading and commenting Bruce, though I am concerned as your non fictional life sounds very worrying. Be safe…😯😕
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Thanks. And Thanks. You too. Bless.
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Howdy! I hope your weekend is going well! I’ve nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award. You can check the rules in my post http://readbetweenthelyme.com/2016/03/26/an-award-oh-my/ :))
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I’ve written about suicide, infanticide and incest, all troublesome but better to try and do it with clarity and accuracy than feel too much emotion I think. It’s not easy.
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You have tackled the raw guts of death, I hope you think I have done justice to this.
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Yes you have. I think it’s sufficiently intriguing and visceral to convey both the horror and mundane reality of it.
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Thank you your views are appreciated.
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Very moving, Ellen. My mother tried but lived to tell the tale. I’m writing about it in my memoir so no spoilers here!
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I wish you success with your memoir and Thank you for stopping by.
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I used to counsel grieving children and a clear understanding of death, especially a parent’s suicide, came only with time, clarity increasing with each passing age. For the young, it was a dragon in the basement, guilt for moments of joy, fear of the wrong move. You captured it beautifully through the child’s eyes. Incredibly moving, Ellen. Superbly done.
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I am touched by your comments. Thank you for visiting my sanctuary.
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I can feel the sadness in every phrase.
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Thank you for coming, I always dread a blank comment box have a great weekend.
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