I watch a very attractive twenty-something girl, (youth is beauty after all) she poses outside a well-known emporium in London. I sip my tea as I catch a glimpse of the figure through the steamy window, across the street. Her task became clear as pedestrians moved on, leaving her in view.
She shot five, ten maybe twenty or more snaps, all with different sections of shopfront. The window dressing backdrops, all varieties of poses. There was lipstick on and off, a chin down and up, head to the right then left. One which surely was one side only with a book covering one eye. Hair combed, twisted, tucked and pulled.
My tea finished I walked across the street curious to see her closeup. I couldn’t help it, I smiled and said ‘the first one, you were far more beautiful in the first one.’ She came after me; touched my arm. ‘Sorry. but how do you know?’ She was agitated not quite cross but rattled. I pointed across the road ‘I was in the tea house and saw you clicking, taking shots with your phone … you were perfect in the first one.’
She scrolled fast through her gallery as she tip-tapped alongside. Until she shoved her i phone under my nose. ‘This one … why would it be the best, my nose looks long at that angle and my lips look dry, it isn’t the best at all.’ She was quite frantic, rushing her words, pushing her chest forward. ‘But your nose is the way it is, besides in the first one you were twenty-five minutes younger than the last, so it must be the best.’ I left her baffled as I went about my day. We are what we are regardless of the persona we show the virtual world. Our looks constantly change so each picture depicts a flash of what was; not a perfect shot of what is. The worry on the face of the young woman bothers me. Why the image was so important, it appeared imperative so stressful that I swear I heard palpitations and saw a fear in her eyes. I suppose the term ‘selfie syndrome’ will soon be another condition that parents have to watch for. It seems appearance is all, and ageing humans such as myself, women and men that have lives and deaths etched on our faces will be invisible. At least to the people
We are what we are regardless of the persona we show the virtual world. Our looks constantly change so each picture depicts a flash of what was, not a perfect shot of what is. The worry on the face of the young woman bothers me. Why the image was so important, it appeared imperative, so stressful that I swear I heard palpitations and saw a fear in her eyes. I suppose the term ‘selfie syndrome’ will soon be another condition that parents have to watch for. It seems appearance is all, and ageing humans such as myself, women and men that have lives and deaths etched on our faces will be invisible. At least to the people whose faces, they believe are the measure of them.
thank you unsplash for the use of the picture.
I would love your answer to the question … why was the perfect shot so important?
Bad Lucy, she is a fear to be reckoned with. Thank you for joining in.
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Welcies. 🙂
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“I would love your answer to the question … why was the perfect shot so important?”
–
“Another,” said Lucy.
Click, snap, flash.
Lucy peered over her shoulder. “You’re not getting my dark side.”
Gabby let out a whimper. People walked around her. Oblivious to how her life hung by a thread. “Another,” said Lucy.
Click, snap, flash.
“Ah, I like that one,” said Lucy.
Gabby exhaled. She had another day of life. She knew Lucy would return tomorrow.
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I rarely take selfies. When I do, I’m never happy with them. But then I have mental health and self-esteem issues – so I reckon I have an excuse! I only ever take 3 or 4 at a time – if I’m not happy after that, then I’m not going to be happy, so I leave it, because I tend to get more and more critical as I go along, and more upset as a result!
For me, being happy enough with a selfie to post it online is a good thing – it means I’ve managed to convince myself that I look ok, and even if I don’t, it won’t matter. 🙂
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That sounds like you are in control of it and have a cut off point … sadly I don’t think she was 😯😕
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I shiver in fear at what will happen to this selfie generation who believes that their appearance matters more than anything else – more than their mind, their soul, their thoughts, their friendships, their family. Does this young woman exhibit low self-esteem? Yes, a problem in itself. But then to take her photo over and over again, not realizing that no shot will be the one she wants – a Stephen-King-like horror story. She has no idea what she wants, or needs. How wonderful would it be if someone invented a selfie of the SOUL?
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Soul selfie’s would probably take more than an I phone to capture… you are right in all your comments. What will happen to the selfie absorbed when they age? Will they be horrified recluse’s. Do they believe wrinkles are the sign of the end. Can they not do the maths we are smooth for such a short time. *shakes head in despair*
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Shaking my head with you…. ;–0
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Interesting post, Ellen. I really can’t answer your question though as I have never taken a selfie in my life. The modern world puts far to much emphasis on the outside and to little on the inside.
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Exactly, sad that the visual appearance is worth more than her self worth.
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She was probably a very attractive girl, but everyone lives for social media now, where the picture is more important than the person. I can understand if she needed the picture for a portfolio, but I hardly think a selfie is appropriate for that.
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I believe she thought her selfie, the image she wants her virtual friends to see was the most important thing about her. Her self worth must be lacking entirely.
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I am so happy I didn’t have to live my youth as a slave to the perfect selfie. I have a lot of old photographs that I look terrible in but I think they are so funny now. If I had done them on a phone, would I have deleted them losing the moment forever? Now where are the sandwiches I was promised?
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🌯🌮🌭🍕🍞🧀🍗🍔🍢🍡🍷🍸🍹🍻 cheers my lovely bloggy friend
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Woah! I’m on a diet!
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I was giving you a choice not a diabetic coma … one, chose one. *titters*
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Because we think we are NEVER perfect! Sadly.
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But why would any of us want to be. It is the quirky bits that make us fab!
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Loved reading this and I’m glad you approached her.
I hate this new trend of ‘selfies’ it’s quiet annoying to be honest and I personally don’t take photos unless required for passports and other official documents.
Selfies just does not attract me even though I’m only 30
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Don’t get me wrong I want a pleasant picture to use as a profile on line. But I want it natural because I am who I am… but no one wants a close up of wrinkles, crow feet or a pouched stomach.
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Lol yes true, but we also shouldn’t allow this to take over our lives and give us anxiety because we think it will be the end of the world if we don’t get a perfect picture.
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That is the difference between just wanting a nice pic and being obsessed.
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I agree
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The “selfie” phenomenon is scary. I try to think of some analogous situation from the sixties or seventies or hell, the eighties, and I can’t. It’s in a class of its own. My biggest problem is how, as you so well pointed out, it affects the current youth generation. I was with some young folks recently and pulled out my cell phone for a picture. Two girls, both very good looking, thinking I was about to take their picture, made instant perfect smiles. When it was obvious that I wasn’t ready–the smiles instantly, literally instantly, disappeared. They returned to their bored countenances. I no longer even existed, not for those two…only the phone camera existed. Nothing else.
This ability to construct in less than a second, a photogenic face is so far beyond me that I find it impossible to fathom. My question is to what extent does it affect character? To what extent does it alter the young person’s ability to be natural? Hence the issue with the young lady of your post. I agree with Sara that you did the right thing with your remarks. And with you I can only wonder where all of this un-natural natural beauty will lead us.
Great post! Thank you so much.
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Your input is most welcome, I think the subjects want their on line persona to be seen as perfect. A perfect life and perfect beings.
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It is a scary development how focused so many are on putting themselves into the “best light”. The outer look is brushed and painted and the being inside more and more neglected. That’s where loneliness begins.
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One day, much sooner than they expect they will look in a mirror and realise the best bits are always on the inside. X
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And as soon as they do they will find their outside recovering!!
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I hope so. Do you think it crosses their minds that they are making less physically attractive people feel inadequate?
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I could imagine it does and perhaps they even do it deliberately in order to feel even more attractive!!
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Noooo! That is despicable.😯😕
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Unfortunately many try to make others smaller in order to feel bigger and better instead of changing something about themselves!
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On that note we must all try to distract the selfless selfie people, the ones who seem obsessed and guide them elsewhere.
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I think it is not “the selfie” people. It is the insecure people who don’t know their own worth!
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But they are ‘The selfie people’ they don’t realise it but they do need some help to make them see themselves as worthwhile humanbeings … regardless of their looks.
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They are mostly rather lonely because they are also only seen by the way they present themselves in their outer appearance. It needs some loving soul to lead them to that understanding that their real value, power, and beauty lies within! Or they will learn it the hard way.
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Tjat was what I tried to show her. It is sad.
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You did your best… that’s all you could do. Then she is simply not ready yet.
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In situations such as those usually you are your own worst enemy. Self acceptance is difficult. Self love nearly impossible. A truly happy person likes themselves.
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Or accepts themself. 😊
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I love that you approached her and said what you did! I can just picture the scene. My son has selfie syndrome — or the propensity to shoot selfies, anyway. His problem is that he thinks one side of his face is more attractive than the other, and he believes the lie that he is better looking when he doesn’t smile. (He is wrong.) Of course, the young woman needed the perfect shot because she was trying to send my son her photo, and she wants to make a good impression — or a perfect impression. 🙂 (I personally did not receive the gene that allows me to make perfect selfies. I usually end up looking cross-eyed and stop trying. I aim for passable rather than perfection.)
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I just look a bit of bugger frankly. Your son needs an injection of self worth, which I am sure you have tried to administer. P.S. tell him she must be conceited and therefore not for him. 😉
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Ha! I will! I don’t want a daughter in law that can shoot 20 selfies on the street and still not be satisfied! Imagine trying to take a family photo!
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It is a tricky one, and like you say, we are bound to come across this type of thing more often. I know we all want to look our best in photos but nowadays, they can be airbrushed and edited so much there is hardly any real likeness at all! 🙂
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It makes impressionable people think that it is wrong to be less than perfect. 😢
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It is wrong on so many levels.
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It is.
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Goodness. That is a good way to beat yourself up. Incredibly sad. 🌼
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It is sad to think it is probably happening every minute on facebook and instagram. Best not to comment on profile pictures especially on ones that look altered and posed.
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