Movie night.

I dropped, into the soft velvet sofa, pulled the leg rest over, and scrolled through until I found the film we chose. Well, we had a thumb war, and I won, as I would. I chose the Prodigy, lets see how my little brother and his nerdy pal enjoy a real horror.

Official poster of the film.

Tom, sat next to me, pushed his glasses up his nose and gave a squeaky laugh. I muttered ,”Freak.” And paused the credits until Jack arrived. A few minutes later I said, “We will watch the trailer until weeb features gets here.” I press play, stomp to the door and shout. “Gamer boy, hey, we are starting without you.” Then cozied back into my corner. I stretched the gum with my tongue and slid my eyes sideways without moving my head to see if Tom was scared yet. A screech made him jump and he grabbed my hand. I sat stock still. I could feel wind get in my eyeballs because they were stretched in shock. I didn’t blink or move, then a blob of saliva emerged from behind my teeth, and hovered slowly, it spilt over. I tried in desperation to suck it back; too late, it splashes. A wet patch began to spread at the end of my right breast. Unfortunately, I am bra less, and my nipple twitched at the change in temperature. This is awkward.

Watch a movie with your brothers nerdy mate, he gets scared, grabs my hand, I dribble. He now thinks I fancy him … my nipples harden which he thinks is my reaction to him holding my hand.

“Tom! sicko, let go!” He snatched his hand away, dropped it into his lap with a funny choking noise. That was when I knew. “Oh God” that was when I knew. He couldn’t take his eyes off my boobs, and his hand wasn’t big enough to cover the reason for the fear on his face. I grab the remote as I stand, and the screen goes black. No more movie, or comfy sofa, just painful silence. The sort you feel crawling up your neck, under your skin.

My slippers slapped hard against the oak floor as I ran to escape. “Shit,” I swear, as I click the door closed. I lean my forehead against it, still holding the knob. My breath slowed, my face cooled and my leg twitched.

Just then, Jack leaps the last two stairs. He went to push by me.”What’s up sis, too scary for ya, such a loser, wimp.” On my bed, in a bra and clean sweater, I have space to think. Movies will never be quite the same.

My first try at a YA piece, did it work? Practicing different styles, for a different audience is tricky.

This was a rag tag prompt press Here to join in or read.

Feed back is what I need.
Question, “did it read as if an adult (ole fossil) wrote it,  be honest, with your comment. Please?”

24 thoughts on “Movie night.

      1. I think it’s good to challenge yourself. My only excursions into fiction have been a couple of 100 word flash fiction pieces: you’re encouraging me to think about doing more!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. I quite enjoyed the challenge of telling a story in exactly 100 words – but my counting skills are ok! I’ve never even thought about poetry – so much of what I see in blogs seems just like prose broken up in odd ways. I guess I have much to learn 😊

            Liked by 1 person

  1. You nailed the strong narrative voice of YA. How I view genre has shifted when I got past it as a label and started to see it for elements. Something that makes YA potent is how the teens in the story are experiencing emotions or sensations for the first time. You also captured that intensity with character and her situation. I like the juxtaposition of setting up a horror film to the budding realization of bodily reactions. You can slow down the pace in spots or create a slower build-up of tension so we can feel the full impact of her “horror” that has nothing to do with the film. Maybe give some more thoughts on how she perceives herself and those assembled, too. Just suggestions! You might have some ideas to try, too. Well done!

    Like

    1. Great praise indeed, thank you. I found, getting speed of her frantic need to escape into the write, but leaving her (the older and wiser one) still showing vulnerability, with control … tough. Thank you for the feedback and your time.

      Like

  2. Fantastic story. I loved it. Again the visual imagery brought me into the scene. I agree with the others who commented. This is totally believable. Personally, I pity the poor guy. …just saying. I am wondering if your book will be available in the U.S.A.? Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Looking forward to hearing that it has been published. Thanks again for sharing your creative talent… Have a great day. ~ John F.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi John, I have had two stories published in two Anthologies recently, both horror, short flash fiction stories. If you look at the menu of my blog (in browser) you will see a page with published works. But I hope to pitch with my debut novel soon. Thank you John .

      Like

  3. If I didn’t know better, it would be plausible to me you were 14 when you wrote this. Very humorous yet also leaves the embarrassment very prominent. I wish you would get that book done. I love your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to ellenbest24 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.