Microfiction challenge #15: Freedom.  The Beauty Of Emmeline. 

                                    

 

Emmeline took Earnest‘s hand and with a gentle tug she walked him into the surf. Holding his arm aloft as if in dance.  His face lit up, his nose twitched as he inhaled great nostrils of sea air. Each step he took brought a new experience. Each Gull he heard was to him an orchestra and so animated was he that Emmeline could hear it too. Earnest was lost for words his senses were full to bursting, the feel of sand betwixt his toes; the exhilaration of salt spray lashing his cheeks, his ears so attuned to the mighty oceans roar; he trembled.

Emmeline smiled, a tear joined the spray upon her lashes, and she knew it was worth the ruined shoes and sodden hem to see his face. Earnest threw wide his arms, ripped the fastenings from his great coat and cried. “As God be my judge, I am humbled to be a blind man, for never could a sighted man see more than I this day”. 

Emeline’s adventure paid off for once, her forwardness was not out of place. Together they would grow old knowing there was nothing that Earnest couldn’t see… including the beauty of Emmeline.

 

 

We are using one of Ilja Repin’s paintings. This is my response to the  prompt, press  Jane Dougherty to join in, connect with many great blogs and read some super stories.

How did I do? Did you believe in Emmelines story? Leave me a note I will respond soonest; once I’ve changed from my wet shoes *wink wink*.


26 thoughts on “Microfiction challenge #15: Freedom.  The Beauty Of Emmeline. ”

  1. I really liked this approach Ellen. Its true the blind often ‘see’ more than we give them credit for and you don’t have to be sighted to appreciate and bask in the beauty of a loved one.

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  2. Pingback: Microfiction challenge Freedom: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes

  6. Lovely story, Ellen, with a surprising and touching ending. We all get the sensuous nature of the painting, but yours is the first one to get all of the sea sensations from the perspective of a character who can’t see.
    If you want a really techy criticism with my editor’s hat on, I’d say to look at the second paragraph and try and imagine it in Earnest’s pov since it’s in his that the story is set. Since it’s such a short piece, it’s best not to bounce around from one pov to another. Take out what Emmeline thinks, because we only know what Earnest thinks, remembering that Earnest can’t see her but you don’t want to give that away.
    Personally, fiddling around with pov to keep it consistent is what I hate most in editing, but it’s worth having a go at it, just to prove to yourself that you can.

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      1. I think it does, actually. The story starts in Earnest’s pov then switches to Emmeline’s and stays there. That’s fine by me. There are apparently readers who can’t cope with being in more than one character’s head at once. That, I say, is their problem 🙂

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      1. My pleasure :).
        And yes, I know about the spam problem – it’s been going on for more than a week and I hope it’ll get sorted soon. It’s rather annoying.

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