Murder Up The Beanstalk
Inspector Checker did not relish his job today because he had to bring prominent towns folk in for questioning.and they stood Charged before the beak at one O’clock. .
“Order, order” cried the judge as the courtroom filled with onlookers who scrambled and shoved for a seat.
Mr. Jack Spriggins of Jackstown Hall Jacks Town, you are charged on this day as follows.
1. One case of fraud, As you fraudulently wormed your way into Mr and Mrs. Ogre’s home by falsely passing yourself off as a poor orphan.
2. Three Cases of Theft, one, a bag of gold, the second a golden singing harp,and thirdly a goose that lay golden eggs.
3. For living off the ill-gotten gains of such larceny.
4. And One case of cold blooded murder with a deadly weapon.
“Mrs. Widow Spriggins.
You are charged with the following” called the Judge shaking his head gravely.
1. Three cases of handling stolen goods, and living off said goods to the betterment of yourself and your son.
2.one charge of concealing a crime, namley a murder.
3. Collusion therefore culpability to that murder.
4. Child abuse, as you, on the day your son swapped your cow for a bag of beans, did beat him sorely and sent him to the loft space; to sleep without either food or water.
“How do you both plead”.
“Guilty as charged M’lord” said Jack dropping his head into his hands.
“And Mrs. Widow Spriggins” the Judge tapped his gavel for order and glared at the gallery. A buzz flew around the court as the widow fell to her knees. The harp startled by the malarkey suddenly played a soothing tune, the goose laid two golden eggs in fear of the noise and the widow sobbed.
“Guilty as charged M’lord” the widow cried.
The bag of gold rattled and shook as the floor vibrated. The towns folk gasped in fear not believing their eyes. Just then a woman, who was bent at the waist, with her back scraping along the ceiling approached the bar. Her nose long and warty dripped a puddle of snot on the judges table, she wiped her bulbous eye with a stick like finger and said. ” Fe Fi Fo Fum I smell the blood of an English man, be he live or be he dead I will grind his bones to make my bread”. The chandelier shook her breath puffed green clouds of stench over the court.
“Silence! Silence I say! or the lot of you will be held in contempt” The Judge roared banging the gavel once more.
Once the hubub had died down the court awarded Mrs. Ogre all monies, businesses and homes; that the offending couple had accrued. Mrs. Ogre satisfied with the outcome, went on to live as happily as one would in the circumstances, without her dear husband who was long dead and with wealth beyond belief.
The punishment of Jack and his mother was not made public, but some said Mrs Widow Ogre became fat, some said she became round in stature, and suffered from awful bouts of flatulence for many a year; but mostly they kept quiet at least when in her company.
Inspector Checker was made Chief Super intendant and given new uniforms for his men and a brand new station house. The Judge retired and lived a quiet life in a small cottage deep in the woods, with a few chickens a goat and a cow named Milky White.