Inspector Checker did not relish his job today because he had to bring prominent towns folk in for questioning and they stood Charged before the beak at one O’clock.
“Order, order” cried the judge as the courtroom filled with onlookers who scrambled and shoved for a seat.
Mr. Jack Spriggins of Jackstown Hall, Jacks Town, you are charged on this day as follows.
1. One case of fraud, As you fraudulently wormed your way into Mr and Mrs. Ogre’s home by falsely passing yourself off as a poor orphan.
2. Three Cases of Theft, one, a bag of gold, the second a golden singing harp and thirdly a goose that lays golden eggs.
3. For living off the ill-gotten gains of such larceny.
4. And One case of cold blooded murder with a deadly weapon.
“Mrs. Widow Spriggins.
You are charged with the following” called the Judge shaking his head gravely.
1. Three cases of handling stolen goods, and living off said goods to the betterment of yourself and your son.
2.one charge of concealing a crime, namley a murder.
3. Collusion therefore culpability to that murder.
4. Child abuse, as you, on the day your son swapped your cow for a bag of beans, did beat him sorely and sent him to the loft space to sleep without either food or water.
“How do you both plead?” A hush hung thick in the air, only the shuffling of shoes to floor broke the silence.
“Guilty as charged M’lord” said Jack in a cracked voice while dropping his head into his hands. A hubub ensued as gasps were heard and girls sobbed openly into kerchiefs.
“And Mrs. Widow Spriggins how do you plead?”
The Judge tapped his gavel for order and glared at the gallery. A buzz flew around the court as the widow fell to her knees. The harp startled by the malarkey suddenly played a soothing tune, the goose laid two golden eggs in fear of the noise and the widow sobbed.
“Guilty as charged M’lord” she cried.
The bag of gold rattled and shook as the floor vibrated. The towns folk in unison took an intake of breath and none could believe their eyes. As an Ogre entered the court. She was bent at the waist, her back scraped along the ceiling and flakes of dry paint showered the gallery as she approached the bar. Her long and warty nose dripped a puddle of snot on the judges table. The crone wiped her bulbous eye with a finger resembling a stick. The floor vibrated, pictures became squint on the walls as she belowed. ‘Fe Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an English man, be he live or be he dead I will grind his bones to make my bread.”
The chandelier shook, she belched her breath of green clouds over the room which left the stench of rotting flesh. The gallery of men and women rose to their feet banging, jeering and scraping chairs on the floors. “Silence! Silence I say! or the lot of you will be held in contempt” The Judge roared; banging the gavel once more.
The hubub eventually died down and the court awarded Mrs. Ogre all monies, businesses and homes. All that the offending couple had accrued. Mrs. Ogre satisfied with the outcome, went on her way. She was to live as happily as one would in the circumstances, without her dear husband who was long dead by the hand of those villainous pair, ( with wealth beyond belief).
The punishment of Jack and his mother was not made public; neither were seen again. Mrs Widow Ogre became fat, some said she suffered bouts of heinous depression, and awful flatulence for many a year; but mostly the town’s folk kept quiet and kept their distance.
Inspector Checker was made Chief Super intendant and given new uniforms for his men and a brand new station house. The Judge retired, he lived a quiet life in a small cottage deep in the woods, with a few chickens a goat and a cow named Milky White.
THE END.
LOL – I love it! Great re-telling of a classic fairy tale…wonderfully written!
🙂
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I am so pleased you enjoyed it. It is lovely to virtually meet you 😇
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Nice to virtually meet you, as well!
🙂
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And here I thought that “happily ever after was real.” Great imagination and a great read.
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Thank you for coming and just so you know… happy ever after is for those who are good! 😇;)
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Thanks, dear. I like that.
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Your posts didn’t let me comment, i think the wordpress ogre is upto mischief 😯😕
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Cos you can tell I’m not only mad I am shy as well. *whispers* my husband said the last bit was a lie😯
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Proof!!
Mad hatter disease, or mad hatter syndrome, is occupational chronic mercury poisoning among hatmakers whose felting work involved prolonged exposure to mercury vapors. The neurotoxic effects included tremor and the pathological shyness and irritability characteristic of erethism.
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Good point, when books were obsessed with “and the moral of the story is” Jack and the Bean Stalk would have been, it’s ok to steal and murder, as long as the victims are different.
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You know what it is you are saying?…
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I know what I am saying, doesn’t mean I’m saying it right though :p
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Now your speaking my language 😇
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Haha, we’re like the BFG, “what I mean and what I say is two different things”
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Dear Roald wold be proud *sigh*
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There are morals in my madness 😇
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That’s funny, cause there’s madness in my morals 😀
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Now there is upsidedownosity for you * wipes hands* 😆😉
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I do try, mad hatter stylee 😀
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Eeeekkkk! I am actually wearing my Hatter t-shirt, his hat is in my office gathering dust and whimsy. True, truer than true. 😇
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Oh brill! Our interaction must be fated 😀
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No I think we probably both have been around ancient hat makers far far too long
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Could be, could be…. Change places!
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Great continuation on this fairy tale. Well written and smartly done. Such a sad ending for Jack and his widowed mother.
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They were bad though…
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Yes, but so were the giants.
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Self defence, mitigating circumstances, while being plundered. 😉
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I guess we’re Team Jack…. LOL
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Nasty business 😯😕😅
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For sure, but I blame the author… her fault really!! LOL
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Haha yep.
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He wasn’t Robin Hood he kept the illgotten gains…
*shocked look, shakes head*
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I guess everyone is flawed lol. And you can’t really pick a “whose better” when both parties are bad. I guess, it’s easier to root for humans than man eating Giants though.
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I wrote it so… i am correct! If I wasn’t I’d write it in * raises eyebrows* “Ha”
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i think next the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe should be charged with overpopulating! Clever post!
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Hello Noelle, I don’t believe overpopulating is a crime… otherwise half the world would be arrested. Now neglect and child abuse could make a case. *thinks* “I should have been a prosecutor “. 😇
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OR the TLC can let her replace the Duggers for their reality tv line up!!
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Duggers? Should that have been a…”B” *shocked covers face with palm* how very dare you use that term on my clean and pure blog… *shakes head in disgust* “reality TV How could he” *sniffs*
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LOL, well…. maybe my mind really WAS warped by the Army??
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Hahahahaha!
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I love the way you look at things from a different angle :0)
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I am touched *thinks* not in the head… I, I, meant you know I’m honoured *wipes brow* 😦 “phew that was sticky”😜😘
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Hahahahaha! Goldilocks next for theft! Then The Old Shoemaker for having undocumented elves working night shift for no money! Hansel & Grettle’s parents for child abandonment
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Shoemaker was charged with slavery! Repunzels parents have been successfully dealt with after pleading guilty to abuse and unlawful imprisonment. But you are on the right track justice needs to be seen to be done *pulls face* “Orf with their heads” 😰
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Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
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Your reblog is so greatfully accepted. Thank you xx
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Clever!
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Now that! Is a compliment. 😇
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Oh, you!
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You took the fairy tale and stood it on it’s head – I wonder if Disney would be interested. This reminds me of the backstory that is Wicked.
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Thank you Bernadette wicked is good!
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Yes, children should learn from early on that crime doesn’t pay. I loved your depiction of the theory but I wouldn’t read it to a small child. :o) Well done.
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*whispers* neither would I. Thanks for visiting 😇 Have a good Sunday.
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It’s a great read for adults, you can have a twisted mind at times but you are a writer and that is an attribute for you. :o)
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😇😊a twisted mind *scratches chin* … how absurdly uncomfortable *titters*
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It’s a good thing. :o)
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Here’s a little Sunday Spoof from Ellen 👍😄
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Thank you so much x Happy Sunday Chris. 😇
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You too Ellen – Great Spoof 👍😄😘
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